“Friends, how many of us have them. . .”

“I’m talking about friends, ones we can depend on”- Will Smith

Long ago, in his “Millennium” album, Will Smith sung about friendship. He wrote about a communal relationship, a relationship described by Clark (1984) as one in which the partners respond to each other’s needs. This kind of relationship is what I would personally describe as a friendship based on agape love, described by Lee (1988) as a new secondary type of love that blends the primary love styles that include erotic love (Eros), uncommitted love (ludus) and friendship love (storge). This agape love is other oriented and more altruistic. I strive to love my friends to this degree and as a result, I feel my friendships are defined a communal relationship.

Take for example, my roommate and I. We’ve been living together for three years and at first we attempted to share equally the purchases for our apartment. As sophomores (the first year we lived together) we’d alternate weeks we’d buy bottles of water, [we’ve gone green now . . . we use a Brita filter!] cases of soda, or snacks for our apartment. As we progressed in our friendship, purchases stopped being an equal exchange as it is in an exchange relationship, based on strict reciprocity. If either of us makes a run to the grocery store or Target, we either ask, “Hey need anything” or take a look in the refrigerator, run to the grocery store and fill in each others needs. It’s nice to know that this communal relationship has lead to friendship that Will Smith talks about . . . those friends we can depend on.


oh here is a link to his song. . .its only a clip of it on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0456PW85E8



Some of my friends at my 22nd birthday celebration

Clark, M.S. (1984). Record keeping in two types of relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 47: 549-557

Clark, M.S., & Mills, J. (1979). Interpersonal attraction in exchange and communal relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 37: 12-24.

Lee, J.A. (1988). Love-styles. In R.J. Sternberg and M.L. Barnes (ed.), The psychology of love (pp 38-67). New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.